The holidays have come and nearly gone — and left in their wake is a smorgasbord of chocolates, candies, treat baskets, treat boxes, leftover cookies, festive desserts and generally just enough sugar to put you in a food coma for most of 2015. This post-xmas Monday is what I, in this very empty workplace, like to call Day of the Near-Dead. The single worst Monday of the year in which you are already overwhelmingly stuffed from your week-long holiday feast, yet are surrounded by all of the most delicious things with no one in earshot to hold you accountable for your incessant crunching.
Plus, one of my beloved vendors just had a chocolate bar the size of my right glute delivered. Here are all of the reasons I’m considering the most epic of chocolate binges right now:
- I’m already drinking detox tea.
In fact, I’m drinking more than the recommended morning serving of detox tea. So, in theory, I’ve already done my body more good than harm this morning. The tea would probably just counter-act the impact of such a large shock of sugar. I should be ok. - What if it melts?
Seriously. What if? It’s gettin’ hot in heere. - This office is boring as hell.
There is no one here. No one has to know a huge-ass candy bar was delivered and eaten all in the same 2-hour span. At least it would keep me company, for awhile. - I just found more Peppermint Bark Ghirardelli in my desk drawer.
It’s a sign. Chocolate party should commence. - I can pronounce all of the ingredients.
According to most health nuts, that’s half the battle. By this logic, this whole thing is super healthy. - Weird gifted chocolates just taste weird.
And I must find out if this is the good-tasting weird chocolate or the bad one. - My hair looks pretty good today.
I’ve earned some chocolate with these tresses. - I could probably eat at least half this thing without going over my ideal calorie count for the day.
Now, that’s just being responsible. - I’m not eating all the other treats.
At this moment, I’m really not. All those other treats are sitting there and I’m “being good” – which inevitably deserves a reward. A reward kind of like a giant bar of questionably-flavored milk chocolate.
Update: I didn’t eat the chocolate. I’m on the last day of a month-long diet bet in which I was challenged to lose 7 lbs. So far, I’ve lost 7.2, but still need to complete my final weigh-in. Feeling good about the progress this month, despite the barrage of snacks everywhere I go. I ultimately decided that this giant fucking candy bar, while glorious in nature, simply isn’t worth it.
Update to the update: I gave in to the Peppermint Bark. Because “well, I did lose an extra .2 lbs.” That’s what we call will power, people.
This post originally appeared on Prettyography.
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