Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic?

In Life by LauraLeave a Comment

Every once in awhile, I like to go all ninja-stealth and sneak attack my body with some obnoxiously questionable health trend. Last year there was a two-week stint of a terribly failed attempt at being Paleo. Then there was a 3-day juice cleanse-turned-fast because I couldn’t stand the greens. This month, the world appears to be on a detox kick because I have been conned into two of them. That’s right, two detoxes, one month. Cue Britney.

Go ahead, leave that playing – I like to set a mood for my blog.

To avoid being overly monumental, I don’t start anything on a Sunday, Monday or the 1st of any month. So when my $35 Your Tea Tiny Tea 14-day Teatox arrived last Thursday, I jumped straight into it Friday morning – catching my mind and body completely off guard. Here we are at Day 4 and I have two observations:

  • It’s working in the sense that I woke up only 39 minutes late today – improvement. I do feel like I have more energy at the day’s halfway mark. And, there is a visually noticeable slimness to my mid-section where I usually feel a little less so.  ♪♫ …you’re dangerous, I’m lovin’ it… ♫♪
  • While I do feel like my appetite is slightly less, I’ve made little to no effort to change my typical eating habits thus far. I went to a wedding this weekend. I snacked on trail mix during the 9 hours in the car and filled myself with vodka, cake, cake balls and buttermints until I could die happy.  ♪♫ …you’re toxic, I’m slipping under… ♫♪  I made a point to drink all three teas despite not having real ‘meals’ to follow. Stomach-wise, the tea and the ‘food’ did not agree with this strategy. I haven’t felt bad per se, but I definitely get the sense my body is a little “WTF?” about all this.

Ten days to go and I’ve already ordered part two in my September Detox Extravaganza: It Works! Ultimate Body Applicators.  ♪♫ …hit me, baby, one more time… ♫♪ I’ve heard a number of friends rave about these things and I’m excited to see what they can do. Sure, the results are not permanent, but seeing an inch or two magically disappear is more than enough visual motivation to get me through a few more trips to the gym.

♪♫ …you wanna hot body, you want a Bugatti, you wanna Maseratii, you better work bitch… ♫♪

More to come, I’m sure.